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Title: Million Dollar Moment, part 1/3
Fandom: due South
Pairing: Ray/Ray
Rating: R
Word count: 1889
Summary: Kowalski thinks Ray is having a post-Vegas breakdown, but actually, Ray just has a crush.
Author's Notes: This is a More Joy Day present for sdwolfpup. And thank you to my betas, sionnain, snoopypez, and mrs_laugh_track, who helped me figure out where this story was going. Warning: WIP.
Disclaimer: These characters are not mine, and I am making no money off this.

###

Kowalski slides across the seat towards Ray, one hand still resting on the steering wheel, and then his other hand is on Ray's knee, Ray's thigh, is there and it's Kowalski who moans, licks his lip like he does after a cup of coffee. It's only been a few seconds but Ray is already about to--

"Vecchio! Hey, Vecchio!"

Ray starts awake to Kowalski's hand on his shoulder and Kowalski's face a few inches away, and shit, some crazy part of him almost can't help reaching out and grabbing the guy. Instead Ray presses back into the couch and rubs his hand over his eyes, like maybe if he just can't see it for a few seconds Kowalski's mouth will go back to being a normal, non-threatening thing, something Ray doesn't think about except for how sometimes he wants to punch it when Kowalski makes fun of his shoes. No luck. Kowalski's mouth is--

"You okay?" Kowalski asks.

"Yeah." Ray turns his face away. "Just a bad dream. Vegas. You know. It, uh, it haunts me."

###

It happens again two nights later. Kowalski was babysitting Maria's kids, and he and Ray ended up watching the game together. In this dream he's fucking Kowalski. Kowalski is on his hands and knees and he's naked, all that skin laid out just for Ray, and when Ray slams into him Kowalski says his name--

"Vecchio! It's okay, wake up, you're safe--"

"Oh God," Ray mumbles. The words don't even come close to expressing how awful this situation is. "I, uh--I'll be right back, I need--a drink, I'm thirsty--" He is. Maybe because he's been sweating. Oh God.

He's in the kitchen drinking buttermilk out of the carton when Kowalski follows him in.

"You okay, Ve--is that buttermilk?"

"Yeah, you want some? It's kind of an acquired taste but it's actually really--"

Kowalski looks at him in concerned horror. "Are you like, gonna have a Bookman episode or something?"

Ray tries not to laugh. Does Kowalski think that at every moment Ray's on the verge of snapping and whacking him? That could be fodder for some hilarious practical jokes.

###

The--what, the fifth time? sixth?--he's napping at work. Ugh. Sex dreams at work are not okay. The last time he was this hung up on someone was Agent Chapin. He wonders what she's doing now.

And why is Kowalski in the 2-7? He's back with the ATF and it still seems like every time Ray turns around, there's Kowalski. Kowalski at poker night, Kowalski at the office Christmas party at the One-Liner, Kowalski waking him up just as he was about to come in Kowalski's mouth. And that sentence is one of the weirdest things he's ever had to think. He glares at Kowalski resentfully. "What?"

"You were, uh, kinda making noise. Like you were in pain." He puts a hand on top of Ray's stack of paperwork, leans in and looks Ray over with rare focus. Ray is still hard under his desk. He tries to breathe evenly and not moan as Kowalski points two fingers in his face and leans in even farther.

"It's over, Vecchio," he says. "Whatever you had to do, it's over. Nobody's gonna hurt you."

This is getting ridiculous, but what is he supposed to say? "Thanks, Kowalski."

Kowalski nods, that intent look still on his face.

"Listen, you wanna grab dinner later?" Ray asks. He goes for casual and confident even though his heart's hammering in his ears. "A nice Japanese place opened up on Randolph. It's a little pricey but hey, my treat." If Kowalski lets him pay for his food that's a sign, right?

"Got used to the finer things in Vegas, huh?"

What the hell?

"Look, I don't do sushi," Kowalski says. "Raw fish is Fraser's deal. But maybe we could hit Becchini's, say seven o'clock?"

It's not where Ray would have chosen for a first date, if this even is one, but he nods. He can't not.

###

Kowalski shows up for dinner in his jeans and a t-shirt. Ray would think that means it's not a date, except Kowalski is carrying a carefully wrapped package. He holds it out. "This is yours."

Ray opens the box. Nestled inside is a--"A dream-catcher?" Kowalski bought him a dream-catcher? That is the sweetest thing he's ever seen. Where does a guy even get one of those in Chicago? In Nevada they're everywhere, but--

"Fraser gave it to you," Kowalski says, staring at the table. "For your birthday. When you were gone." His voice has gone stop-and-start like rush-hour traffic.

Ray has to think about that for a second. "You mean Fraser gave you my birthday present?"

Kowalski shoots him a glance. "I'm sorry, okay? I woulda given it to you before. I just--" He cuts off.

It hits Ray like one of those punches in the face Kowalski keeps threatening to give him and never does. Kowalski just--wanted to keep it. He just wanted to pretend it was his. It all makes sense, and it's not ridiculous anymore. He gets why Kowalski keeps hanging around, why he keeps coming over for dinner and showing up at the 2-7 at all hours.

It's not Ray who's having a post-undercover breakdown. It's Kowalski. It's Kowalski who doesn't know who he's supposed to be anymore, Kowalski who can't let go. Kowalski who was given something he wanted, but only on loan.

It sucks, partly because Ray's been hoping Kowalski was hanging around for him, but mostly because--shit, Kowalski's unhappy, and instead of trying to fix it Ray's been daydreaming about blowing him.

Ray slides the dream-catcher back across the table. "Keep it," he says gruffly. "It's yours. He gave it to you."

"Yeah, but only because you weren't there," Kowalski explains. "He'd been planning it for a while. There was some Eagle Foundation or something--he wanted to give it to you. He missed you. He wanted to catch your bad dreams, Vecchio! And you could use it. When's the last time you had a good night's sleep?"

Ray rubs the back of his neck, embarrassed. "Uh..."

Kowalski leans back in his chair. "Yeah. So take it and call Fraser. Maybe go up there for a while. Nothing helps bad dreams like--" He shrugs. "Well. You know."

Ray can't even believe how out of control this situation has gotten. All he wanted was a fucking date. "Kowalski. Fraser gave it to you. I don't--" He takes a deep breath, because this kind of hurts to say, even if it's true. "I don't want it."

Kowalski's eyes pop angrily. "He gave it to me because you weren't there!"

"Exactly," Ray snaps. "I wasn't there. You were. Look, who knows what would have happened if I'd chosen to stay or if he'd chosen to stay? But we didn't."

"But you're not happy," Kowalski says, practically dancing in his chair with frustration, and Ray remembers Stella telling him that the writing was on the wall for years and Kowalski couldn't give up. He doesn't get that sometimes things aren't meant to be. Kowalski's just trying to help, because unlike Ray he's been thinking about someone besides himself.

Ray's gonna have to suck it up and tell the truth. It's not his best skill.

He puts down his fork and looks Kowalski right in the eye. "I'm fine," he says, already embarrassed by the honesty weighing down his voice. "Yeah, I'm seeing a department shrink just like you, but mostly I'm fine. The dreams--they aren't about Vegas."

Kowalski frowns. "Then what are they about?"

"They're about you." Let him get it, please let him get it...

"About me? You're having nightmares about me?"

"They aren't nightmares," Ray says. "They're--uh--look, I thought this was a date, okay? I asked you out on a date." He watches in horrified fascination as Kowalski's eyes widen and a blush spreads over his face.

"You, uh, you been having sex dreams about me?"

"Yeah."

Kowalski starts to grin. "Are they good?"

This is the most mortifying moment of Ray's life, but he can't help smiling back. "They're amazing."

Kowalski laughs delightedly, and for a second Ray can't watch anymore, because Kowalski is beautiful.

"Look," Ray says. "Maybe you should call Fraser."

Kowalski frowns, like he's lost his place in the conversation.

"You thought he could fix me. So I figure maybe you think he could fix you. He'd love to hear from you, always asks me about you when I call." Ray can't believe, now, that he didn't realize anything was wrong. Kowalski's better at undercover than he thought.

Kowalski's frown deepens. "I thought you wanted me for yourself, Vecchio."

Ray gives Kowalski a smoldering up-and-down look, lets him see exactly how much Ray wants him. Then he shrugs. "Yeah. But if this isn't our moment, it's not. And if you start dating me because it's the closest you can come to being me--you're already a Vecchio, and if you don't know that you should. But I want--" He hesitates, but what has he got to lose? He lowers his voice, turns it dark-chocolate and cream. "I want to fuck Kowalski."

Kowalski blinks, his eyebrows hopping, and drops his napkin. Something sparks between them, Ray's sure of it. The voice works every time. But Kowalski gives him a long look, and nods. "You, uh--you figure we'll have another moment?"

"If it's right, then we will." That, he's sure of. Even if he wishes that for once, his moment would be now.

"Okay," Kowalski says. He leans back, sucking on his lower lip in this thoughtful way that Ray does not think is the hottest thing he's ever seen. "Thank you kindly, Vecchio."

Ray relaxes, lets the date go. "Don't thank me, just eat your manicotti," he says.